Wednesday’s Wisdom: Train Yourself to Live Unapologetically in 8 Successful Steps

Intoxicating unapologetic don cheadle quote


Don Cheadle couldn’t have said it any better. It IS incredibly intoxicating when somebody is living so unapologetically who they truly are. Insatiably intoxicating in fact. But, the sad fact is that so many of us aren’t living out our essence and too many of us apologize for choices and decisions we make often to the point of even recanting statements, reneging upon decisions or back-pedalling when one disagrees with our stance or opinion. Living this way becomes exhausting, angering, frustrating, confusing, and isolating. It can even lead to an identity-crisis. 

During a coaching session today with one of my longtime clients, the word, “unapologetic” came up; a word we both have come to love and adore. We’ve been working on her personal brand (she shall remain nameless for confidentiality purposes) by outlining how she wishes to show up in the world; what her values are; as well as her life purpose. She told me that integrity and authenticity must be part of her personal brand and when we went deeper into the session, she shared what she loves about herself is living her life without fear of what others think.  And, the way this client of mine lives her life, in my personal and professional opinion, is indeed incredibly insatiably intoxicating and unapologetic—and I love it!

Today’s coaching session and a recent article I read on the elegant, engaging 85-year-old supermodel Carmen Dell’Orefice sparked the tips in today’s post on…


Training Yourself to Live Unapologetically in 8 Successful Steps

  1. Have a secret. My mother-in-law doesn’t give out her recipes even when people ask after enjoying her home-cooked meals. I freaking love this about her—it adds a bit of mystery and intrigue; people respect her SO much when she tells them “no” and that she never gives out her prized treats’ ingredients. Personally, I never tell anybody the names of the fragrances I wear. Something happens to me inside when people ask and I explain that ONLY the fragrance and I will ever know its name. 😉
  2. Rebel. We as humans get too caught up in the conventional and status quo. Sure, it’s important to have laws and procedures (I am after all a former federal officer!) but at times we can just be too literal for our own good. It’s important to rebel here and there (even against thyself!) We often think we have to wear the same clothes as our friends or do the same exact things in the same exact ways that our community members do. Bunk! Walk down the street blasting your favorite song (Some dude in the new village where I live walks around at the lunch hour literally blasting his favorite songs from his boom box—yes, a boom-box; people are fascinated by his confidence, swagger and detachment and they accept this daily entertainment); wear a tiara on your head while prancing down the street (Yep, I just saw this last week while in Rotterdam on date-night with my babe and we both said, “Cool! Good for her!); tell it like it is. This step is NOT about hurting others but to be proud in what makes uniquely you.
  3. Go wild. Yesterday, I got really angry so I ran outside to a park by my house and noticed a swing, jumped on it and just started swinging away like a kid higher and higher till my tummy felt like a gleeful child on a rollercoaster. I noticed several other adults stopping to look at me like I was crazy but I did not stop. I just kept going and going and it felt wonderfully wild! Not stopping in the middle of doing something you love, no matter how unconventional it is to others, IS living unapologetically.
  4. Don’t make others your God. During my workshops and coaching sessions, clients often say to me, “But, I can’t do that, what will my neighbors think? What will my friends think? My family will say I’m insane if I say/do/feel this or that.” My response is: Do.Not.Make.Others.Your.God. When you grant society/family/friends domain over your heart, soul and spirit, you are actually subconsciously apologizing for who you are and how you’re made up. In essence, you’re contributing to playing small in the world. The world is faaaaar more interesting when we allow all our funky shades and colors to shine; don’t make others your God; your soul will say, “Amen” when you live fearlessly authentically you.
  5. Buck your self-imposed systems. We’ve all been indoctrinated in some form or another, either by our parents, teachers, religions, cultures, rules at the job, etc. I went to Catholic school and I’m still unlearning a lot that went down in between the pews and incense. It isn’t until we are willing to stop buying-into the BS we invent in our own heads that we can live a truer, freer and more unapologetic life—which is oh-so much more fun, blissful and happy.
  6. State preferences. The people that tend to live unapologetically state what they dig and what they cannot stand without panic, anxiety, worry or fear. I love it when somebody tells me to my face what they don’t care for. Inside I’m thinking: I can trust this person. They are not afraid to tell me and others what they feel, what they like and don’t like. And, trust is crucial in today’s day-and- age. We as humans have become some accustomed to being lied to that when somebody unapologetically states a preference, we feel relieved and find it refreshing. Be the breath of fresh air we all need and pipe-up on your preferences.
  7. Stop freaking saying sorry all the time. I’m working on this myself. In fact, I think I need to carry around a “Sorry Journal” to tally the number of times I say unnecessary sorry’s. Let’s be clear: there is a BIG difference between being sorry for a harmful action you took and having empathy for others. I have found myself offering an unnecessary sorry when I’ve accidentally bumped my shoulder into somebody when what would be more appropriate would be saying something like, “Oh, excuse me, that was an accident.”  Offering unnecessary sorry’s signifies we feel we don’t belong where we are in that moment and that we are in trouble or terribly wrong. Making a mistake doesn’t mean we are wrong or should get in trouble; it simply means we are human and imperfectly perfect.
  8. Invite a little Carmen Dell’Orefice into your life. Carmen is 85, a supermodel and has MORE pictures in Vogue present-day than when she was a young supermodel in her 20’s and 30’s. She is an advocate for the ageing and unapologetically embraces her sex, looks, choices, decisions and desires. She was a model and muse for Salvador Dali; a victim of the Bernie Madhoff scandal; and shared she had several abortions (not advocating abortion here; Carmen simply did not try to hide, nor apologize, in a Daily Mail interview regarding the choices she had made in her life before keeping her one and only daughter whom she raised and loves very much). Carmen openly discusses the “hard stuff” in life yet states that she loves and lives life to the fullest—she hopes to die at the age of 100 wearing colorful high heels. No apologies.


carmen dell orefice while and white photo

Carmen Dell’Orefice. Photo credit:

It was with great pleasure to offer you today’s Wednesday’s Wisdom (thanks mama for such a cool title) and I hope to read your comments here at the blog! Yes, you may share and pay this entry and all entries forward. You’re a total star for doing so!

If you’re interested in learning more steps and successful ways to live unapologetically, shoot me an email to inquire about my services at: or hit me up at my Twitter, FB, Insta and LinkedIn pages. You can click on the social media icons at the top of the website here on the right.

In the meantime, thanks for being an Extreme Dreamer and making the world a fabulous place to traverse. I always send you my best and many blessings. Hope to connect and hear from you soon.

All suggested blog topics welcome! Send them on over :-)

Hugs from Holland,

Laurie, Certified Coach, Reiki Master, Certified LOA Practitioner 

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About Laurie Santos

Owner and Founder of Extreme Dream Training. Certified Life Coach, Master Reiki Healer, Certified Law of Attraction Expert, Certified EFQM Assessor. Surfer, expat, lover of animals, poetry and silence.

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